My Testimony

Everyone has a story. Here is mine.

Before you read it, I just want to let you know that I used to not like my story. I used to think it wasn't 'good enough' or a really a good testimony at all.

If you are a believer in Jesus, your life is a miracle. If you are a believer in Jesus, your story matters - whether God saved you through hardships or from them. But no matter what, you have a story and people need to hear it.

So, here is a piece of mine.

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I can honestly say that I have never gone a day without knowing who Jesus is.

I have been blessed to be raised in a home where both of my parents love God and decided on day one of their marriage to passionately pursue living for Him.

When I was five years old, I asked Jesus into my heart, and I believe I loved Him the best I knew how.

One could say I grew up in a “bubble.” A beautiful, golden childhood bubble. My loving parents, two amazing sisters, and I lived on the corner lot in the best home with lovely green grass, palm trees, and roses that grew along our backyard wall. We had a trampoline and a big dog named Jonah. We rode our bikes and pretended they were horses as we jumped over the curbs. My parents would read us picture books and stories from our Kids Bible and pray with us every night. We had dance parties and played "American Idol" where we'd sing for each other. We lived thirty minutes from the beach and thirty minutes from Disneyland. I could hear the fireworks every night as I would drift off to sleep. If anything “bad” ever happened, I didn’t really know about it.

I attended a sweet private Christian school from Pre-K through 3rd grade. This (and in my home) is where I learned lots of Bible songs and stories, and I memorized lots of Bible verses. I was surrounded by people who loved Jesus - like a little glimpse of Heaven, which is perhaps why it was so sweet. I’m so grateful I could attend there.

Then, everything changed.

My family and I moved away from sunny Southern California, everything I ever knew, to Texas. It was the hottest summer in fifty years - quite the warm welcome!

And just like that, we said our goodbyes and made the long drive to Dallas.

I attended public school for the first time, and pop! There went my Christian bubble. I realized there that not everyone knew Jesus, loved Jesus, and lived for Jesus, let alone knew what the Bible said nor followed it.

I was called a “goody-goody.”

I was made fun of for being a Christian.

I was even told, ‘no one will ever want to be your friend because you’re a Christian’ on the playground in fourth grade.

Pop.

As the years went on, I eventually settled in. Yet, other things settled in me, too. Seeds of lies, self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, and being ashamed of my faith. I couldn’t tell at the time, but those seeds really began to change me.

By the grace and protection of God (and I fully believe by the prayers of my parents, too), I never really fell into a ‘rebellious phase’ like other teens had. I kept doing what I knew and was raised to do, which was going to church with my family and reading my Bible (although, even that had slowed).

But, I did fall into something that the enemy rather loves, where he thrives most: fear.

I went inward. I became shy. I became more and more self-aware. I became quiet. I became fearful, or another way to say it, full of fear.

In my fourth grade class, we were given the assignment of picking a book for a book report. It had to be a biography, so I picked Soul Surfer by Bethany Hamilton. I can still remember the cover to this day, Bethany Hamilton standing strong holding her surfboard with a huge chomp out of the side. There was even a little red blurb saying that her book was being made into a motion picture!

Bethany Hamilton is a professional surfer who survived a shark attack in 2003, losing her left arm. But she chose to believe God would work for good what the enemy meant for evil. She chose hope. She chose faith, not fear.

Fast forward to the summer of 2011. Soul Surfer finally came out into theaters! The movie was so good that I went to see it again at the Dollar Theater with my mom and some friends. As I was watching the movie, the Holy Spirit began to work on my heart in a way I vividly remember.

Bethany goes on a mission trip to Thailand after there was a severe tsunami. The LORD was stirring her heart as she saw the devastation and broken people in the aftermath of the storm.

But, what she was feeling was compassion. And it moved her to more, to action, to love. I, too, remember thinking while watching this: I want more.

I wanted what God had for me.

I went home after that, but my mind was racing. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie, rather, how it had made me feel. My friends and I were hanging out upstairs in the game room, yet I was completely disconnected. While they were laughing and playing games, there was a war inside of my heart. Questions swirled in my mind:

Do I really believe in God?

What would happen if I died tomorrow?

What really matters?

Am I called to something more?

The questions were eating me up. So, I snuck away from my friends and tiptoed downstairs. I found my mom and we got caught talking in her doorway. As I started sharing the questions in my mind, tears streamed down my cheeks. What was I feeling? It was God the Holy Spirit knocking on the door of my heart. Calling me deeper. Reminding me there is more. It was there on that June day in 2011 that I rededicated my life to God.

What a beautiful God-wink! The book I read back in fourth grade as a girl struggling with fear and loneliness would be the movie God used to speak to right to my heart. Whether it was a recommitment or truly the first time, I could not tell you. As I mentioned earlier, I think growing up I did my best to love Jesus in the best way I knew how.

But this time, it was different. And I could feel it!

Shortly after this, I started going to a new church with my family, got water baptized with my older sister, and plugged into my youth group! Over time, fear began to fall off of me, and continues to fall off of me. I most certainly am unashamed of my faith. In fact, it's one of my favorite conversations to have. I am still learning and growing through the hills and valleys, but that is the point! We must continue to abide and grow in Him!

God has healed me and taught me in many different ways I could not write them all in this blog. This blog would become a book... or several books! What a testament to His goodness and faithfulness!

So, friend. You have read my story. What now?

Tell your story.

Get free.

Know Jesus.

Tell your story.

You have a story. Whether God saved you through addiction, difficult relationships, or maybe you weren't raised in a Christian home - God saved you through the pain. His Word says that God takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it for GOOD.

Perhaps you, too, were raised in a Christian home. Don't be ashamed of your story. I will say it again: Do not be ashamed to tell your story. You have the story people wish they could have. Your story carries weight. Your story is a testament of His grace, protection, and the answer to prayers. Your story is a demonstration of what it looks like to follow God. It most definitely isn't perfect, but you know what it looks like to walk with God consistently. Your story will help and encourage so many people! Don't let the devil lie to you. Tell the devil to shut up, and tell your story anyway!

Get free.

Seeds were planted in my heart at an early age, and not the good kind. Seeds of fear (specifically the fear of man), insecurity, loneliness, and a fear to share my faith. The enemy used the words that were spoken to me to plant these seeds to produce fear (a lack of faith) and all sorts of bad fruit in me and to keep me from bearing God's Fruit, the Fruit of the Spirit.

The reality is that we are either building God's Kingdom or the enemy's kingdom. With fear, we build the enemy's kingdom. With faith, we build God's Kingdom.

When I looked back intentionally through my life story, I began to see the thread of hurt that I experienced - the attack on my identity and faith. I could see the seeds. I could see where I was bearing unhealthy fruit (and yes, even bearing this fruit as a saved, born-again believer!). Because my identity was attacked, I struggled to live fully alive. Because I was told no one would want to be my friend, I began to believe that I really was alone. Because my faith was attacked, I struggled to even want to share my faith. See, even when we are saved, we are still learning to work out our salvation. We are still learning to walk in the freedom that was purchased for us by Jesus shedding His blood on the Cross.

As you think through your own story, do you notice any seeds in your life? Fear? Insecurity? Pride? Addiction? Hurts? Loneliness? Abandonment? Doubt?

"Where the Spirit of the LORD is there is freedom." I encourage you now, friend, to invite God the Holy Spirit into those moments of pain. It hurts to go back to those places, I know. Remember, the Bible says that the Holy Spirit is your Comforter, Advocate, and Friend. He is with you and will help you on your journey to freedom as you process with Him what you have walked through.

I even encourage you to invite a trusted friend into this vulnerable place. Don't walk alone. Let God begin to heal you and set you free, and also surround yourself with healthy community and people who love God and who love you, friends who will champion for you.

Know Jesus.

At the beginning of this blog, I wrote that I grew up knowing about Jesus all my life. Yet, it was not until I truly made the decision to trust Jesus that I began to know Him and started living intentionally for God.

Maybe you know and have learned about Jesus. But, I want to ask you:

Do you know about Jesus or do you know Jesus? There is a difference.

If He walked into the room, would you recognize Him? Would you go over and say hello, or nod at Him from afar and continue on? If He called on the phone, would you recognize His voice?

I think for many of us we can have head knowledge, but has the head knowledge traveled down to our heart? When do we go from knowing about Jesus to loving and trusting Jesus? I believe that is a decision we all come to make when we realize we can't do life in our own strength. We need a Savior and we need a Lord. Jesus saves us, but if He is not the one calling the shots, then we have made ourselves the lord of our lives. [Or perhaps it is someone or something else that is 'calling the shots.' I encourage you to check out my blog Idolatry: A Fight for the Throne.]

Do you feel the tugging on your heart as I did? Do you know in your heart that you want to make Jesus the Lord of your life today? Take a moment and talk to God. Tell Him this:

God, I confess that I have been living life my own way. I have messed up and sinned against you more times than I know. I don't want to just know about You, but I want to know You. I want a relationship with You. I believe Jesus died on the Cross for me and that He conquered death, hell, and the grave for me. I believe He is Your Son. I want Him to be the Lord of my life. I give You my life right now. Change me from the inside out, Holy Spirit, and I ask that You give me the desire to seek You first in all I do. Thank You for giving me purpose and having a plan for my life. I ask for Your help to walk in it. Help me live for you every day, every moment, filled with the power of Your Spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

If you talked to God and prayed that prayer, please let me know or a friend or family member! This is the BEST decision you will ever make in your life! You are a part of God's beloved family! Hallelujah!

I pray my story encourages you to either tell your story, pursue freedom, or seek to know Jesus personally.

And may God receive all the glory and honor and praise forever!

Resources

• Fresh Start Bible

• Soul Surfer (Book)

• Free Indeed | A Series by Ps. Robert Morris

• The God I Never Knew | A Book + Series by Ps. Robert Morris

• REAL | A Series by Ps. Robert Morris

• Never Going Back | A Song by United Pursuit feat. Brock Human

• John 14-16