Proverbs 31 is most famously known for the description of "A Wife of Noble Character," "The Woman Who Fears the LORD" (English Standard Version) or "The Radiant Bride" (The Passion Translation). This passage begins at the tenth verse of the chapter.
However, I have recently loved meditating on the first nine verses, called "The Sayings of King Lemuel." I believe these sayings are some key characteristics for men to develop in their lives. So, it's not just about women; it's about men, too!
If you are a man reading this blog post, I pray you are encouraged and that your eyes may be opened to see godly characteristics that are vital to develop in your life as a man. I also pray that you are challenged and not condemned. The Word of God says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). My heart is never to condemn! For condemnation is the work of darkness, and conviction the work of Light. Light reveals to heal, darkness conceals to hide and hurt.
If you are a woman reading this blog post, you will see and learn the characteristics of a man of God that are very important. Like the title says, this chapter isn't just talking about women! Perhaps this blog post will encourage you to pray for these characteristics in your husband/future husband!
Let's dive in!
Who is King Lemuel?
The proverb begins: "The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him..."
We are not entirely sure who King Lemuel is. When I did a search in the Blue Letter Bible, it says that the name Lemuel means "for God" or "by God." Cool name!
There are a couple of possibilities of who this man is. One, he may be an unknown king who is perhaps an Arabian, not an Israelite. Or, the name Lemuel may be a symbolic name for King Solomon.
So, whether he is an unknown, Arabian king or that it is actually King Solomon by another pen name, one thing is clear: He learned this wisdom from his mother! (More food for thought: How neat would it be if these were the words of Bathsheba?)
The First Characteristic: He Listens to and Honors his Mother [Authority].
Something my dad would ask me when talking about potential guys I noticed or liked was: "How does he treat his mother? How a man treats his mother is an indication of how he will treat his wife."
These sayings of King Lemuel (which made it into the Bible!) were taught to him at the knee of his mother. I think this is very special. A woman, probably a queen, who honored God, had the desire to teach and raise her son with wisdom, knowing he would grow up to become a king. And what did Lemuel do? He listened and wrote it down - heeding his mother's advice.
Men, you may be thinking to yourself, "I didn't have a godly mother (or father), and I'm definitely not royalty." Well, I challenge you with two questions:
Do you have authority in your life? (The answer is yes - whether it is your mother, father, boss, pastor, mentor, etc.) How do you respond to and treat those who are your oversights?
Do you hope to become a leader one day? A king is a leader, and men are called and designed by God to lead their family. (Genesis 1-2; Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 11)
I remind you with all the kindness and encouragement I can: you are called to lead in humility, courage, and love! You are called to honor and submit to authority in humility, courage, and love!
Women, we are looking for a man who loves, listens to, and honors his mother. How he treats his mother is, indeed, an indication of how he will treat you. Also, how does this man respect and honor his authorities?
The Second Characteristic: He Has Good Eyes
I don't mean that he has nice eyes or is nice on the eyes (although, that is always nice!). It means he isn't smitten with the world or taken by the lust of the eyes. He has eyes that are good -- eyes that are set on God.
"Do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings." (Proverbs 31:3)
King Lemuel's mother is warning him to not put his strength (the Hebrew also means might, wealth, and ability) into the type of women that would destroy him. For a king has a kingdom, and if the king goes down, then there is a great chance the kingdom goes down with him. (Read 1 & 2 Kings, you see this play out.)
"You shall love the LORD with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength" is one of the Greatest Commandments in Jesus' words. (Italics added)
What does this have to do with having 'good eyes'? Stay with me. We know the phrase, "The eyes are the window to the soul." What we see and hear enters into our heart - our soul. It affects our mind and emotions, it determines how we act - how we use our strength.
I'm reminded of a racehorse. These horses have incredible strength. They have been trained to use that strength to run the race and win and to be guided by the jockey. But, if it's not wearing blinkers, it will be distracted by crowds or other horses. Its strength will be redirected; the horse loses the fixed-focus on winning the race.
Our focus and strength are connected. Romans 12 encourages us not to be swayed and wooed by the patterns of this world. Hebrews 12 tells us "lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith."
Men, now is a good time to ask yourselves: How am I using (or an even better word – stewarding) my strength - my wealth, my actions, my time, my talents? And, am I guarding my eyes and ears? Am I being taken by the lust of the world? Am I caught in an addiction that affects how I think about and treat women? If so, Lemuel's mama is saying this: it's destroying you.
Women, we are looking and praying for an man who has 'good eyes' in the sense that he is not swayed by the ways and women of the world. He is a 'Lemuel' - a man "for God" and whose eyes are fixed on God and loves God with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength. Ask yourselves too, how is this man stewarding his strength (wealth, time, abilities, might)? Is his gaze fixed on using his strength in a way that pleases God and serves others, or brings pleasure to himself?
---Bonus: It is not only for the man to guard his heart, but for the woman, too. It's a godly principle to guard your heart because from your heart flows the wellsprings of life. (Proverbs 4:23) So, I advise you to be cautious of the music you listen to and movies you watch. That, too, is going to affect your heart in a way that takes you either on a path of health or a path of heartache.
The Third Characteristic: He Demonstrates Self Control
"It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave alcohol." Proverbs 31:4
Notice the language his mother uses: "guzzle" and "crave."
This portion of the blog is not me telling you to drink or not to drink. That is not up to me. The principle I am addressing here is self control.
"Guzzling wine" and "craving alcohol" imply that there is a lack of self control in this area. Why would the mother, a queen, warn her son to not lose control when it comes to drinking?
The following verse says, "For if they [kings] drink, they may forget the law and not give justice to the oppressed." (Proverbs 31:5) The fact of the matter is that alcohol affects the whole body! There are negative consequences to having too much alcohol in the body, such as slurred speech, impaired thinking, memory loss, and more.
One of the main jobs of a king is to know the laws, to rule fairly, and to serve and love his people. Without self control, how is a king supposed to do his job well, especially if he loses control [not only when it comes to alcohol] ('you may forget the law,' and not judge fairly and help your people well as King Lemuel's mother suggests)? And, without self control, how is a man to lead well, let alone live well?
Men, I'm not telling you what to do in this area of your life. That's not my job - it's the Lord's! I don't know what your convictions are when it comes to alcohol. But I do know that without self control, it will affect you in more than just the area of alcohol in your life. I challenge you to ask God where you need His Holy Spirit to help you have self control.
Women, we are looking and praying for a man who exhibits self control and discipline - who is not controlled by the drink. Who knows how to have self control, not only with alcohol, but with his words and how he speaks (does he have a temper if he loses control of his anger?), his body and how he treats it, his time and how he uses it, etc. Again, no person is 'perfect,' but look for a man who demonstrates/strives to demonstrate self control and discipline in his life.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this blog!
I pray it has encouraged and challenged you,
whether you are a man or a woman.
